I feel like i have to let it out here cause i don't have connection to reality from here...

there is this guy, well he kind of cute, but ever since i knew him i was...how to put it...hypnotized by his profile, a in when he turns to the side, he has the most gorgeous...er...side of his face? you get that? anyway, i kind of had this nudging feeling that he totally hates me...cause he would always ignore me, but he was kind of forced to hang out with me cause, my best friend is like his best girl friend...so...i was like whatever.

but then, about two weeks ago, this other girl, kind a my friend, not so deep though , shared a taxi home cause we live in the same complex, and we were both returning cause like we had a hangout with other people at the park..anyway, we had like a REAL talk kind a deal, i don't know how it came to it, but she blurted out her deepest secrets, and than she told me about her REAL love. that boy. the one that enchants me with his profile, that hates me... and she told me about their late nights web cam chats and shit, but really deep shit. i was all like 'wow' right. there were like really deep. anyway she told me how she confessed but he rejected her saying that he did not feel the same about her, he wished he did, but that there was someone ELSE. naturally he told her who. i wanted to know too right? so i could like make fun of him and shit. so i kept guessing who it might because she wouldn't tell me. i kept listing the hottest, easiest girl in our grade, as i moved a grade higher she got annoyed and blurted it out.

me. she said he liked me.

...i did NOT believe, her. sadly there was never a guy that liked me (that i would know of at least) it took me by surprise and i got angry at her, cause i though she was joking and it hurt, you know getting my hopes up that a cute guy like him could like me. i shut down and did not talk to her for ...er. few minutes. >.< anyway. she sweared she was not making it up...but...i dunno. then she was like 'fine don't believe me but when he's ready to tell you, don't act to suprise.'

so, i still don't. but the only lesson we have together, with the dude, is drama. now we have a project where we even have to work together, and with few other people. anyway. today. well i caught him looking at me. and he didn't turn away until he was called to go somewhere. it was...heart fluttering. really. but. i still don't really believe he likes me.
ahhh...but now it made me totally LOVE him. dude. i am in so much shit. the thing is all my friends find him so funny and amusing, but attractive. NO. >.< but that's cool. but still. ...........

and it feels so awkward now. cause i really like him, and before i was always so cold and sarcastic to him and i think he can tell something is different. he keeps doing this unnecessary hand touching, and pulling motions. it makes me go all red. and he is like 'what's wrong sweetheart' in sarcastic tone. argh...

i am soory. this is such a girl BULLSHIT. but if you have anything to say. please.